Loneliness the bane of sanity.

I will admit this is an emotion I have feared for a big part of my life. Remember thinking "I do not want to die alone." and so on.

But what is the basics of loneliness and what makes you feel alone?

You can experience loneliness when in an empty room, in a crowd or even when hanging out in a small and seemingly intimate group of people.

Possible causes might be that you are physically alone, no one talks with you, no one needs you, people do not seem to understand you and the list goes on.

But what is this emotion actually used for and why do we get lonely?

I think what this emotion is really used for is to tell you that you need something. Especially in the realm of relationships and that it is your wish for feedback of some sort. It is a drive to get what we need in those relational realms.

The problem in this is that there is more to loneliness then loneliness alone. I think it is common practice and perhaps a part of human nature for humans to simplify perception of emotions by linking or grouping them together. Thinking about the word love would probably trigger a lot of different emotions and associations in different people.

For example: Someone who is in a healthy and prospering relationship would link it to things like joy, security and numerous positive traits while someone who have had many bad experiences may link the same word with betrayal, unhappiness, loneliness and despair.

Considering this, someone who feels lonely might also feel fear or despair at the same time as loneliness as by association and might even mistake loneliness for these feelings since they in that persons mind is one and the same.

So instead of seeking out feedback from peers or yourself, as loneliness might trigger, you feel fear and despair. You feel like it is no use even trying to satisfy those of your needs.

So how do we deal with this irrationality?

I would argue a direct approach by overcoming the fear or despair itself. Realizing that there is no danger in seeking contact with oneself or another person. Realizing that it is in no way hopeless to change your current reaction to loneliness, to mold your perception of things.

Because when you have taken your first step towards a person you are already on your way to him or her. Because when you have opened your mouth you are already on your way to ask for feedback.

Everything within the realms of your mind and body is possible and nothing there in is impossible. You have both the power and the tools to use loneliness as a means to enhance your life instead of letting it enslave you.